One of the perks of marriage is having someone around to let you know which normal things from your childhood were actually very very weird.

One minute you’re excited that the kids are back in school and then 7 hours later you’re reading about a field trip that costs $140.

My husband excused himself from the table to take a work call. What’s the official waiting period on stealing his fries?

Deodorant was the only item labeled IMPORTANT on the packing list for my daughter’s camping field trip If that doesn’t sum up 3 days in the woods with 200 5th graders I don’t know what does.

I like to send love notes in my husband’s lunch like SORRY THE BREAD IS STALE MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEARN TO SEAL IT BACK WHEN YOU ARE DONE.

7-year-old: I’m so excited for my field trip today. Me: Where are you going? 7: It doesn’t matter. It’s not at school.

We’re at that stage of marriage where I’m basically my husband‘s interpreter.

My son is going on a 4-day field trip with his class. In other words, I paid $435 for peace & quiet. Totally worth it.

Therapist: have you found time for self care this week? Me: I ate the fries out of my husband’s order while driving home alone with dinner. Therapist: *nods approvingly*

My husband says our family will never get a pet but yesterday I walked in on him baby talking the roomba.

My wife might be taking the football season too far. I just got flagged for illegal use of a decorative hand towel.

My husband just came back from the grocery store and forgot milk, bread, eggs, and butter. Don’t worry though, he picked up 3 cases of Sam Adams Oktoberfest, so we’re good.

My mother-in-Law knows exactly where we live, unless there’s a natural disaster and then she’s like: there was a tsunami somewhere in the world, are you alright?

My husband and I aren’t really a showy couple but I just want to acknowledge that today he said I was “unbelievable” (I accidentally locked myself out of the house again).