I don’t often reconnect with old college buddies but when I do it’s because my wife asked me to get their new address because our Christmas card came back.

A minute of silence for all those husbands who believed in their wife saying, “no gifts for Christmas this year”

The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you’d never do if you ever have kids of your own.

My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. My 9yo very disappointed, “it’s rigatoni… learn your pasta.” I didn’t know it was that serious.

Me: Completely silent for an hour. Husband: *turns on the tv* Me: Immediately asks him 20 questions.

So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month.

I think the reason it’s cloudy is because the sun wanted to sleep longer. -my 4yo, the meteorologist.

wife: could you clear the table? me: ok but I’ll need a running start wife: what

I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house “YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!”

I never really thought about couple’s therapy until my husband entered his third week of having a cough.

Secret to peaceful parenting is to never tell your child the plans for the day

waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions

Dating romance: share a candlelight dinner Married romance: devour a slice of cake together over the sink so you don’t have to share with your kids.