I adore my dog, but I respect my cat. A dog is like a happy, dependent toddler. A cat is a tiny god that lives in your apartment.
There are two types of mom friends: those who text after 8 PM and those who text before 8 AM.
The pup tasted very expensive raw frozen goat milk ONCE at the suggestion of a local pet store clerk and now he won’t eat unless he gets a little dollop of it on top like he’s being served pie a la mode…Fauntleroy behaviour.
The day I’ve longed for since the FIRST DAY I became a parent is finally here!!!my daughter is old enough to go get me stuff from the other room.
There’s things about having pets and children no one ever warned me about. Like the cat crawling into the dishwasher and riding the empty lower dishwasher tray out of the dishwasher across the kitchen floor.
Tried to complain to my mom about the difficulties of raising a stubborn child and her eyes rolled so far back in her head I don’t think they’re ever coming back.
This morning I sat up from a laying down position and my two year old yelled, “You did it!”
My daughter can’t find her glasses, her shoes, or her backpack, but she can spot a sliver of onion in a bowl of rice from 10 feet away.
A good dad earns his stripes early by learning the baby’s cues. Like that cry they make while taking a bottle means they want their mommy. And that cry when they can’t sleep means they want their mommy. And that cry … you get the point.
The greatest phenomenon in parenting is how there are 18 hours between dinner and bedtime.
No parenting book can prepare you for when your 3 yr old literally sticks her finger in your nostril and says, “Hey mom, smell this!”
My husband asked if I wanted to do something fun today so I left him home with the kids. Marriage is easy.
Raise an independent female so she can scream “my body, my choice” when you tell her to wash her hair during bath time.
Asked a bunch of rival dads if anyone wanted to go hiking with me tomorrow morning at 5. Of course they all said no. I’m not going hiking either but they don’t have to know that.
You either have a kid who never wants to shower or a kid who takes hour long showers every day. There is no in between.
If I ever want to hear about all the injustice in the world, I just ask my 12 year old to clear the table after dinner.
Whenever looking upon my sleeping kids, I imagine them growing up to make a difference in the world. Which is incredible since they use bed rails to stop from falling on their faces in the middle of the night.