I guess “banana bread” does sound healthier than “breakfast cake.”

i keep trying to look up alternative treatments for adhd but then I learn about the history of Mesopotamia instead.

I don’t know when I’m gonna die, so I have a midlife crisis every year to play it safe.

I am very treats-motivated like I get myself to do a lot of things by buying myself a little treat after. I think this works very well!! my bank account does not agree.

Matched with an LA city planner, time to flirt my way into some better sidewalks.

Do flat earthers think all planets are flat or just this one?

As someone who took her husband’s last name, I don’t recommend it. not for feminist reasons, but because sometimes I forget how to spell it.

I’m the kind of wife who will help my husband look for his chocolate that I ate.

Husband: Mmm…you smell so nice. Me: Thanks. My hair had static so I rubbed a dryer sheet on my head.

Husband: you should hang out with my friend’s wife, she’s an introvert like you. Me: that’s…that’s not how it works.

My Wife: Don’t look at your phone while driving. Also my wife when I’m driving: What do you think of these earthy colored blankets?

After 13 years of marriage my husband still doesn’t know the difference between the thingamabobber and the whatchamacallit.

My husband and I are still married because after he loads the dishwasher he calls me over to “optimize” it.

Let’s get married & have kids so we can accuse each other of putting the toilet paper on backwards, when it was actually our child who did it.

I love my husband but he’s a damned fool if he thinks the correct follow up to “damn that’s a big bug” is “do you want to see it before i throw it out?”