For the first time ever my 4 year old let ME choose his bedtime story and after 72 tries I finally picked the right one.

“He’s upset because a girl in his class is telling people they are friends when they’re not.”, me explaining Billie Jean to my daughter.

Y’all make fun of dads for keeping instruction booklets but guess who is about to flawlessly set the clock back one hour on an 18 year old microwave?.

Thinking about the time my kid woke me up at 4 a.m. by jumping on the bed in a cape and yelling, “Come on Mom, let’s go save daylight!”

“I’m doing it anyway” ⁃ A toddler’s memoir

Me: Just because you don’t have school doesn’t mean you can go without pants. 5yo: I’m just gonna wear these invisible pants.

My 5yo might be watching too many dinosaur shows…He keeps calling my vegetarian in-laws herbivores.

*8YO arguing* Me: I‘ll call Santa, right now and tell him… 8YO: Well I’ll call the PTA to volunteer you … Me: You win.

My teen isn’t feeling well and WebMD says imminent death but Google classroom says imminent math test.

My 5 y/o was working on a science question that asked if animals are like plants & make their own food. He said yes, which was wrong, but his explanation was humans are animals & we make cake. Your move, science.